Spencer Announces Tender Offer for Bear Sterns at $11 per share

I think we can all agree that JP Morgan is getting Bear Sterns for far too cheap. Yes, they quintupled their offer from $2 to $10 per share last week, but I still think it's worth more. So today, I'm announcing an $11 all-cash offer for Bear Sterns, and I'm taking contributions from babies worldwide to join together and form the first ever baby bank.

My first move will be to rename the bank Teddy Bear Sterns. Doesn't that sound like a friendlier, more family-oriented bank? Really, what trust-fund baby wouldn't do his or her options trading or M&A advisory at a place called Teddy Bear Sterns?

What makes me qualified to buy and run a venerated investment bank as the CEO (Chief Excretion Officer - remember, everthing goes back to poop)? Well I can think of three reasons.

1. I have figured out that my hand is connected to my body, and that I can, in fact, control its movement. You may have seen a picture in a previous blog post that showed me staring at my fist. Since then, I've been sticking the whole thing in my mouth to soothe myself and I've been taking pretty accurate swings at a hanging elephant on my playmat (but let's be real - I know elephants are too heavy to hang from things, so it's probably not a real elephant). This advanced level of consciousness is pretty impressive, especially considering that I'm not even sure our President currently has it.

2. Over the last week, I have taught myself how to turn over. Seriously! I can turn from my tummy to my back. My dad finally caught it on camera after about 10 times when I did it while he wasn't looking. The first one is of me looking cute during some tummy time, and the second one is me flipping over - my dad barely caught it!





3. Nobody can blame me for this whole mortgage mess. I sure as hellfire wasn't even alive when all the market craziness began, and I sure as hellfire won't be using the phrase "sure as hellfire" ever again.

So for you babies out there, sign over your US Savings Bonds to me and let's go buy us a bank! "Teddy Bear Sterns: The Cuddly Cutthroats."


Love,
Spencer

More family!

The month of family continues! My Grandma Joyce just arrived for a couple of day visit from North Carolina. Apparently she thought I was filthy, because the first thing she did was ask to give me a bath. Normally I'd say "cha ching" if a chick wanted to bathe me - but ewww, not my grandma!!

Also, before my grandma arrived, mom and dad took me for a walk in Golden Gate Park with my friends Cole and Max and their parents. Don't we all look cool in our matching Ergo Babies? That's my arm sticking out by my Dad's stomach. It's so comfy in there!

That's it for today, just a quick picture post. My next post will be all about poop. Go Davidson!

Love,
Spencer

Ya Vote!

Just wanted to show off my mad voting skills. My mom just found these pictures from Super Tuesday buried in our point and shoot camera - we'd forgotten about them! If it looks like I voted in somebody's garage, that's probably because I voted in somebody's garage. Filling out that form and deciding the 25 ballot propositions was clearly exhausting!

My parents complain that their Presidential vote hasn't really mattered in years - living in Massachussetts, then California (which haven't been in doubt). Maybe this is the year it matters. But there has to be a better way to do the electoral college. I came across this site the other week:

http://www.nationalpopularvote.com/

It's pretty interesting. Rather than getting rid of the electoral college, they want states to agree to allocate their electoral votes to whoever wins the national popular vote, rather than their state's popular vote. If they get states representing just 50% of the electoral votes to sign up, then they're done. This is much easier than changing the constitution. Just something for people to think about. My generation is way different from the generation of babies born in the 1780s (for one, we expect to get Wii's for our birthdays). So why should everything about our politics be the same?

I'm also going to start a national drive to lower the voting age to 8 months so I can participate in the November elections. Expect to see other babies petitioning at your local supermarket soon. Who'd say no to a baby?

Love,
Spencer

Spencer does the holidays

So this past weekend was my first religious holiday weekend. No, not Easter...although we'll get to that in a minute. It was Purim, a somewhat marginal Jewish holiday, but a distinctive one. To summarize, Jews were oppressed (shocker) and broke out of their oppression, and now we celebrate it. This pretty much summarizes every Jewish holiday, I guess. But this one is a bit different. I'll be brief...

It takes place in Persia (now Iran, but then probably part of the Axis of Sin). The King of Persia selects a Jewish woman as his queen, not knowing she was Jewish. His Prime Minister, a guy named Haman who wore a triangular hat, hates Jews and tricks the King into destroying them. So the Queen saves the day by convincing the King that Haman is a bad guy, saves the Jews, and...get this...the King kills Haman and all his children. Sounds a bit like Texas. Or Iran. Strange how they're so similar that way.

So what do we Jews do on Purim. First, any time the name Haman is spoken, we make noise. OK, that makes some sense. But we also eat special cookies called Hamantashen - they're triangular cookies shaped like Haman's hat. Doesn't this strike anyone as strange? Do we eat crullers shaped like Hitler's moustache on Holocaust Remembrance Day? Omelettes shaped like Castro's beard on Bay of Pigs day? Hamburgers shaped like Joan Crawford on Mother's Day (Mommie Dearest - rent it)?

We had Hamantashen anyway. They're yummy.

We also went to an Easter dinner at our friend Patrick's house, where I got dressed to the nines in my fancy blue gingham overalls. I looked hot hot hot!











By the way, notice how well I stand? I am such a rock star!

Here's another shot of me. Look at my beer gut! But I do so love that shirt!













That's all for today, happy spring everyone!

Love,
Spencer

Mishpocha

Gesundheit.

I'm so excited that I just met some east coast Weinberg mishpocha (or "family", for those of you other babies who haven't learned Yiddish yet - I'd recommend Baby Einstein's Yiddish Yideo). My Great-Aunt Annie and Great-Uncle Harold came by and showered me with attention. They were...hmm, how do I appropriately convey it in English...well, they were great. As you can see from the picture below, my Uncle Harold is just a crazy man. It's clear that I'm confused about why he needs to look at me through a saline solution box when I'm right in front of him. Maybe he has some kind of vision problem.

My Aunt also took a very cool picture of me on her iPhone! It's a bit grainy but any time I look this ludicrously cute I just have to post it. I'm conceited, so sue me!

I found my aunt and uncle fascinating! They were fun, and I think I smiled more at them than I ever have with anyone other than my parents!

We headed to dinner to my restaurant - Chez Spencer! Seriously, this is where we went to dinner, and I must say that mom's milk was terribly yummy this morning - rich, flavorful, and beet-y, with a hint of venison. I slept through the entire dinner. The only thing I heard was the pianist playing "As Time Goes By," which I can only assume he played again after I fell asleep. But my uncle did take a very cool picture of me at the restaurant. As soon as we figure out how to email it from his phone, I'll post it.

Now we just need to get the rest of the East Coasters out here...you know who you are!

Love,

Spencer

Feeling much better

After yesterday's fiasco at the pediatrician's office, a lesser baby would be cranky and fussy. But I'm pretty much taking it in stride. All of the Baby Tylenol my parents gave me sure did the trick. There's a little swelling on my thigh but otherwise I feel completely normal.

In fact, I'd say I was happier than usual today. It was a beautiful day, my mom took me out for a walk, I had a few naps, I took a bath, and I listened to a bit of the NCAA tournament with my dad. I definitely hope USC loses, because I hear their star player is named OJ Mayo. I like neither OJ (the criminal/football player or the juice) nor mayo (the food or the clinic)...so I'm rooting against him. I'm rooting for American University to go all the way. I'm patriotic that way.

Here's me having fun with my mom while hanging out in my Spencer chair.

And here I am checking out my hand. It's fascinating!

Love,

Spencer

I'm mad as he**....

...and I'm not going to take it anymore! Network. Netflix it.

So today my parents took me to the "pediatrician." I put the word pediatrician in quotes, because I swear it was more like a dungeon mistress! She came at me with this long, pointy needle and jabbed me over and over in the leg! I'd prefer waterboarding if you please.

As an aside, you other babies reading this, who's with me that drinking from a bottle with a high-flow nipple may as well be waterboarding. Who feels me? I hope the ACLU is working overtime to make sure the military isn't feeding our gitmo detainees with those things. OK, my mom wants me to mention that she's not actually using high flow nipples, but I hear it's bad.

OK, back to the jabbing affair. So she jabs me and actually draws a drop of blood from my leg and then tries to make things better by putting on ... I am not making this up ... a bandage with a Gardasil advertisement on it. Is there no end to where these drug companies will market themselves? Now on injured babies? What's next, advertisements for Viagra branded on puppies?

Anyway, I know that this whole sordid affair is for my own good. I know that Gardasil (the HPV vaccine) will ensure I don't get cervical cancer, in the unlikely event that I have a cervix. And I know these vaccines the dungeon mistress just pumped into me will make sure that other dirty San Francisco children (you know who you are!) don't get me sick. But it sure hurt for about 20 seconds. I'm glad my parents were there to make me feel all better!

Love,

Spencer

Spencer Endorses Obama

Up to this point in my life, I've tried to stay away from political discourse. But I feel that after two months of life I cannot stay on the sidelines any longer. So I've decided to put all of my weight - all 13 pounds of it - behind a presidential candidate with the hope that it propels him or her over the top. After all, why do you think candidates are constantly kissing babies? So that the babies blog about them, of course!

Let me tell you, readers, that I'm supporting Obama. If he runs in 2026, I'll vote for him. But for now, I'll just be able to support him through cogent commentary. Here is a short list of reasons why I like Barack Obama over Hillary Clinton (and of course John McCain - who can't even spell his first name right - it should be Jon like my dad).

1. I like the way he talks. My first TV-listening experience (I didn't watch it because my eyes couldn't focus yet...) was a Democratic debate, and listening to him helped me to sleep. It was very calming. He's definitely a uniter - he united my top and bottom eyelids. If I were an adult, that would be an insult - but believe me, for a baby that's like a tax cut.

2. My perspective is that Hillary's and Barack's policies are roughly the same. They also have their fair share of misses that pander to voting blocks. But Hillary lost me with her zany proposal to "freeze" mortgage interest rates. Look, this mortgage thing stinks, but if she'd taken ECON 101 at Wellesley, she'd know that freezing rates on existing mortgages will just increase the rates for anyone trying to get a new mortgage. So she' s penalizing people who are trying to make good decisions by helping people who made terrible ones. There are better ways to help people in need than by mucking around in economics you don't understand. I read about this in the February issue of Highlights For Children that was lying in the pediatrician's office. I don't read the Goofus and Gallant cartoons, though - those are for babies.

3. I, too, am a major believer in change. My parents change me 7 times a day, and without that I'd be lying around in my own poop. So if you're not for change, you're for poop. Ergo, Hillary is the candidate for poop.

4. Obama has ears like my dad's

and most importantly:

5. Girls are icky!

I urge all of you infants out there to join with me in this fight. I've created a PAC called Babies Behind Barack, or BBB - which is the sound I make while I'm burping.

2 months young

Wow, I just turned two months old yesterday. I don't feel a day above 8 weeks. Must be all the exercise, moisturizing cream and regular bowel movements. Now that I've had 2 months to experience all that the world has to offer (with "the world" being defined as a several block radius around my house), let me tell you about the things I really like:

- Smiling. This is still new for me but I love doing it!

- Dancing in circles around our coffee table in my parents' arms to the song "The Underdog" by Spoon. If you don't know the song, you should itunes it. Is itunes a verb? It's a very fun song.

- Watching my parents play Settlers of Catan with their friends, but truth be told I'm usually asleep while they play and I truly believe they're addicted.

- Strolling around in my car seat. It's very comfy. My dad has ordered an adult size so he doesn't have to walk up the San Francisco hills anymore. I also love the red bird my parents hung on it. Endless hours of staring while he sings at me.

- Bi-Rite Creamery ice cream. My favorite: Riccanella. If you're from San Francisco, you feel me, dog.

- Having pictures taken of me. I don't always know what that black cylinder pointing at me is, but I like the sounds it makes. Here are a few recent ones!

Hanging out in my Spencer chair!

Doing some tummy time - yes, I'm so cute!

And now...a smiling photo shoot!

Being this cute is tiring!

By the way, is anyone else with me that Lost is just terrible this season? What a disappointment. I'm so glad I wasn't alive to get hooked on the first three.

Love,

Spencer

I've started to smile!

Well, after weeks of my parents asking me - even begging me - to show them any positive emotion, I finally broke down and gave some smiles over the last week or so. But between you and me, it had nothing to do with them...I've been a bit gassy lately and man it feels good to get rid of it! They seem mollified though.

Saturday night Mom and Dad and I had a very romantic dinner at a pretty schmantzy restaurant, and you should have seen the faces on the people at the table next to us when I was carried in, snuggled in my car seat but wide awake. I can only describe it as terror. But by the end of the night, I have to say everyone was impressed by how calm I was - I was just chilling watching mom's feet and smelling the lamb tagine.

I have lots of family visiting this month. My aunt and uncle from NY, my grandma and grandpa from Las Vegas, my grandma from North Carolina. It'll be exhausting. But I can't wait to see them all!

Here are a few recent pictures...

Maybe if I bite off Daddy's nose mine won't end up so big.

Wash me, familiar woman!

Man I'm so cute when I smile!!

Love,

Spencer