Spencer's Life: Turns out nursery rhymes aren't so nursery

My Grandma and Grandpa are visiting this weekend! It's great to have them here, I haven't seen them in a couple of months. They live in Las Vegas. They're not show girls, though. At least my Grandma isn't; not sure what Grandpa does during the day.

The most fascinating part of having them here is that they actually know the words to the nursery rhymes that my parents pretend to sing to me. As an example, here are the words to Three Blind Mice, as sung by my parents:

"Three blind mice. Three blind mice. Three blind mice. Three blind mice. Three blind mice."

It's kind of repetitive, kind of like the Hallelujah Chorus, or any Rick Astley album.

But in walks Grandma with the real knowledge, and she sings the real Three Blind Mice...unabridged:

"Three blind mice. Three blind mice.
See how they run. See how they run.
They all ran after the farmer's wife
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife.
Did you ever see such a sight in your life
As three blind mice?
Three blind mice."

Umm, are you kidding me? This is a children's nursery rhyme? A bunch of handicapped rodents attack a rural housewife, who then defends herself by maiming them even further? It's like Fatal Attraction meets My Left Foot. I never want to take a bath again...but I still want to suck on my toes.

So I did some very brief research into the real words for some of the other nursery rhymes my parents have been obscuring with their paltry verse knowledge:

London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down... - Terrorists attack British landmarks?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill went tumbling after: Thirsty kids crack their skulls open? Harsh.

Peter Peter pumpkin eater, had a wife and couldn't eat her, put her in a pumpkin shell, there he kept her very well: are you kidding me? Spousal abuse and bondage...in a vegetable? It's like Law and Order re-runs on the Food Network.

Oh my darling Clementine - dude, she dies. It's about her dying.

All around the Mulberry Bush, the monkey chased the weasel, the monkey stopped to pull up his sock, Pop! goes the weasel: - I thought it was about a weasel chewing gum, but it turns out he sucker punches the monkey!

And don't get me started on rockabye baby - a baby falls from the tree to his doom, and my parents celebrate this in song?

It's official - ubiquitous access to video games and semi-automatic weapons may be contributing to our violent culture, but the real cause is nursery rhymes. The NIH should sponsor a study.

Now smile at these pictures or I'll pop you and break your crown.